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Unlike grandparents of previous generations, Dr. Pallas said today's grandparents have careers, are often divorced, and are probably involved in many outside activities. However, they can still provide a foundation and stability through "generativity" - time to nurture and guide, rather than "stagnation" -so self absorbed there is no time left for grandchildren.
Dr. Pallas pointed out the need to recognize special issues (often magnified by multiples). For the more grandparents understand about the needs of their "multiple" grandchildren, the more they can help.
A grandparent without the experience of raising multiples will need to learn to recognize multiples as individuals, to devote personal time to each, and to avoid typecasting. Statistics indicate a singleton receives 22-29% of their parents' time in care; multiples combined, 35-39%; therefore, time programmed with a grandparent can be very special and meaningful to all. Grandparents separated by distance can still establish a closeness through letters, photos, and phone contacts. Don't overlook e-mail to each child individually!
Dr. Pallas spoke to a mixed-age audience - some grandparents, but mostly to young moms with their own parents to educate!
Reprinted with permission from the National Organization of
Mothers of Twins Clubs.
October/November 1997 MOTC Notebook